I'm here

I've been 45 for 6 months now. And after reading way to many other blogs, and websites, I ve come to realize that for most of my life I've been afraid. Afraid of what you may add? Mostly if what others may think of me, failure, being embarrassed for and about myself.
All this fear has let me rationalize everything away, and given me excuses for not doing things. I face life right now with a better understanding that fear is always there, it's not to be ignored, it's to be noticed and the energy used to move forward, easier said then done. But what little meditation I ve experienced seems to point the direction.
You figure for a guy that works regularly at heights ( yes I've worked above 300 feet) that fear wouldn't be an issue, and at height it's not, why?
Because I focus on what's in front if me, the fear of falling disappears, completely.
So now that I've gotten way far off topic, whats this all about. I'm not happy, I don't feel connected to the rest of the world, I haven't for years and I don't know how to get there.
I've been stymied for years even before I was unsuccessfully married, and became a dad. I've always had things I wanted to do, but thru fear, I've always found ways to excuse my self out of the work, let's face it, the hard work. But really in my experience, which I always seem to discount, it's only hard work until you get use to it, and are ready to level up.
I've decided to become a non whiner, just shut up and do, the do is the important part.
I have a fear and yet a deep yearning to belong, to be finally human. I've got to go do now, I'll be here later.

John